* The Listening Dr. * Rebecca Taylor, Ph.D. Th.D.

"With the dawn of redeeming grace..."

2011-12-29T18:05:00.015-05:00

In response to the Christmas Day murder-suicide tragedy in Grapevine, TX, I went downtown to give folks a listening ear. Some wanted to vent, others shook off Christmas blues, and some just wondered why? Most agreed that Christmas, Grapevine, and mass murder do not belong in the same sentence, much less upon the land and in the media. Grapevine is a town that celebrates its identity as the Christmas Capital of Texas. The Christmas spirit is tangible here 365 days a year, so... the region prospers. In a nation that has disconnected with heritage the Founding Fathers entrusted to us, it has become taboo to wish a Merry Christmas. And yet 78% of Americans define themselves as Christians. Texans know who they are. Grapevine defined itself by the celebration of the One who is love. The spilling of blood by a man in a costume does not redefine a community. And the people have spoken. May their echo be heard.

Playing tug-o-war

2011-12-26T00:44:00.002-05:00

Ever protested, “I was too listening…I heard every word you said!” Then proved you were right by repeating the last five words spoken?

Universally, everyone wants to be heard, because everyone has a story to tell. It’s satisfying to tell your story. It’s even more satisfying, when the listener is genuinely interested.

Remember playing tug-o-war as a kid? The harder you pulled on the rope, the harder the other kid pulled until someone ended up in the mud. The battle was usually decided by who was bigger and which party had their heels dug in the deepest.

When you insist on your point of view in a conversation, you and the other person become opponents, pulling farther apart. The rope is the relationship. Too much pulling snaps the rope. The power rests in your hands. When the speaker realizes that you dropped the tug-o-war rope, the focus shifts back onto him/her and off the struggle of who is right or who gets the stage.

The object of effective communication is to draw near to one another in relationship for whatever you want to accomplish. Listening is the tool that will help you establish relationship. Relationship is critical to building successful businesses that thrive in any economic environment.

On the issue of whether or not you were listening, the speaker is the judge. You may be trying, but if the speaker says, “You aren’t listening to me”, you missed it somewhere. This is not the time to argue or protest. This is the time to put your ego aside, focus on the other person, and find out something new. Agreeing that you missed it will shock most people and shift you into that golden zone of being genuine. Get curious, be genuine, and connect for success.

Then it is your turn to be heard.

Located in Ft. Worth, TX

2010-01-07T15:11:00.010-05:00

High Tech - Low Connect World

2010-01-07T15:07:00.000-05:00

You know the feeling of going through your favorite #@!*Mart line. The clerk never looks up, the scanner is beeping madness, you get pressured to fill out a credit card application, and the transaction is completed as the key pad demands your money. You were checking out, but the employee beat you to it. Employee dis connect is costing US businesses around $300 billion per year. And people are losing their jobs to soft-spoken self-service machines.

As people become more high tech, face-to-face communication skills can weaken. Ever leave a voice mail to deliver news that you didn't really want to deal with? Ducking out of tough communications, or even everyday interactions, can come back to smack businesses in the bottom line.

Companies that have staying power know that their equity is wisely invested in their people. It's commonly accepted that employees must be taught how to use the equipment provided or how to execute management strategies. Yet, people are far more complex than equipment. They need communication training to take advantage of everyday interactions that will satisfy the customers the marketing department worked so hard to bring in the door.

Personal interaction skills are required to increase sales, prevent mistakes, apply the cutting edge to competition, and stay safe on the job. That is why Fortune 500 companies identified listening as the #1 most important training skill for business success and influence. Have your people been trained? Call the Listening Dr.

The Bigger Picture on Thanksgiving Day

2009-11-26T20:19:00.018-05:00

The once-a-year glow of Thanksgiving morning framed the atmosphere. The air was filled with the aromas of roast turkey and fresh pumpkin pie baking. Background voices chattered about the gigantor size of the Energizer Bunny balloon and whether hip hop artists really lip sync at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.

We heard a forceful knock on the front door. We peered out the peephole to make sure it was okay to open the door. Oh, it was just the neighbor mom coming to pick her daughter up from the pre-holiday sleepover.

The angry mom exploded at her daughter with accusations of irresponsibility. The young lady had not answered her cell phone on a day when they had a schedule to maintain. No time for pick-up had been prearranged. The child had been asleep, but that excuse didn’t hold up under the mother’s wrath. We watched the young lady’s face turn from expectancy at seeing her mother, to humiliation and dread; as the barrage of disciplinary threats above and beyond the accused offense fell upon all ears. The daughter went into panic mode, scrambling to gather her belongings as fast as she could, but fast didn’t cut it. Nothing she could have done would have stopped her mother from venting in that moment.

Anger is more contagious than H1N1. As I stood in the kitchen cooking and feeling my emotions rise with the temperature of the turkey, I wondered what to do? The atmosphere we worked so hard to create for our family and extended family was deflated by the wrath of injustice. Some children were frozen by the barrage, as if they were in trouble too; others scattered, not willing to witness their friend’s abasement.

The lovely young lady walked out the door, hunched over under the burden of humiliation and the assurance that worse scorn was coming once they got in the car. Thanksgiving Day was ruined for her and she would have to strain to find something to be thankful for this day.

In the aftermath, we looked at each other with tears in our eyes. How could we redeem the day for our children and the young lady in trouble? Was it even possible? Would we make it worse by speaking up? How could we empathize with someone with whom we were now angry? Who would want to? We were still in our pajamas.

"With an eye made quiet by the power
Of harmony, and the deep power of joy,
We see into the life of things." George Washington Carver

After we listened, we did speak up… gently, according to I Corinthians 13, the Bible's famous love chapter. We don’t know the full outcome yet, but we believe that the most powerful force in the universe prevailed. Under anger is always pain. The pain ran way deeper than the presenting offense. So many broken families are hurting, especially during the holidays.

The Bigger Picture:
Yesterday, my son told me about a young man, age 14, who was tragically killed by being dragged into a wood chipper. Unthinkable and horrific. If we could talk to his parents today, I wonder how thankful they would be to be dealing with a missed cell phone call instead of a funeral?

It’s Thanksgiving Day. There is good everywhere if we have the courage to listen and focus on what really counts. People.

The Feedback is in from the Listening Leaders Camps!

2009-10-21T16:32:00.049-04:00

Hearken International's 2009 Listening Leaders and their parents weigh in with comments and accolade...

* "What did you do? Calista has stopped whining..."
* "I liked making films the best, because we got to use ideas that we learned..."
* "The camp gives you vital info in a fun way. I will come back next year."
* "Dr. Taylor is a really good person for being a person who listens to people so well and can help them interpret their dreams."
* "Making movies allowed me to be creative."

* "Dr. Taylor is a good teacher and is nice and cheers you up."
* "I loved talking about dreams, because I wondered what they mean."
* "The camp teaches you important values in life."
* "The camp allowed me to be creative and express myself.

"

Announcing Hearken for Kids! Coming this summer: Listening Leaders Camp

2009-05-20T18:27:00.011-04:00

At the request of parents, Hearken International's Active Listening Seminar has been adapted for youth ages 10 - 14.

CAMP DATES
• June 22-26th, or
• July 20-24th

CAMP DETAILS
• For youth ages 10 – 14
• Location: Celebration, Fl
• Hours: 10:00 am to 3:00 pm
• Lunch and snacks provided
• Price: $299 per week. $50 off with registration before July 1st.
• Accepting cash, check, PayPal, American Express, Master Card, Visa
• Request registration forms at ListeningDr@aol.com or call
407-433-1877

Parents are justifiably concerned that their children are spending countless hours playing video games, texting their friends, and chatting on public websites. Recent studies have confirmed that media saturated kids are losing their ability to socialize and interact face-to-face with family members, teachers, and even friends.

Now you can have your children join Dr. Rebecca Taylor and the Hearken International staff for a fun and exciting faith-based camp in Celebration, FL. Through tons of fun activities, your kids will learn how to reconnect with your family and the world.

Highlights include:
* Kids will film their own videos for teamwork and verbal expression
* "Ratatouille" (blindfolded) cooking exercise for laughter and active listening
* Tug-O-War to learn how to be constructive during conflict
* Kids get to express what is in their hearts through all kinds of "heartwork"
* Coaching from a professional greeter
* Games for introduction, handshaking, eye contact
* Understanding of dreams

When you were a kid, did you wonder if you would ever use trigonometry? Hearken's Listening Leaders won't be wondering that about their time at camp. While having fun, these children will learn tools that will help them stay focused in school, increase reading comprehension, and succeed in their future careers and relationships.

***** The Listening Dr. ***** Rebecca Taylor, Ph.D. Th.D.